didn’t have the courage
to say goodbye
words
I cannot utter
thoughts
I cannot gather
didn’t have the reason
to hurt and make you cry
struggled
but I hindered
fought
but I surrendered
didn’t have the meaning
to explain myself
and tell you why
didn’t . . .
for I am full
of lies
by Rob
i was about to go to the coffee shop outside the mall. the night before, i just attended a surprise birthday party of a friend that lasted till early morning. i thought of having breakfast, for anyways, i was planning to wait for the mall to open. i needed to buy my mama a sans rival cake that i promised her. as i was near the shop i heard people singing, it was echoing from a church nearby.
it is the same church where i was christened, i have forgotten the last time i went to mass, probably a year or so. i still consider myself as a catholic, an inactive one, for reasons that i do not need anyone to tell me what to believe and not to believe.
i believe in God, he is my Lord. i pray to him before i sleep for him to watch over my family, i thank him for the everyday blessings he offers me, for every sunrise i see, for every moment of being happy.
i went inside the church, the priest has started his homily, which was in english. as we were asked to stand up for the lord’s prayer i remembered the days when i was an altar boy at age 10, it was then that i thought that priesthood will be my vocation, i sort of have a “calling”..
i was totally wrong.
by fate, it was not to be. my mama told me that it was not what was planned for me, and i did accepted that but there were times then that i did not clearly understood what was for me..
now, i have known the reasons behind everything.
just took a personality test from freud, i tried the same test thrice and it gave me the same result:
oral: you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.
anal: you appear to be overly self-controlled, organized, and possibly subservient to authority, this effectively narrows your exposure to a wider set of options and ideas lowering the odds that you will make the best decisions in life.
phallic: you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
latency: you appear to be overly practical; don’t undervalue abstract learning, abstract learning increases your ability to make good decisions (and predictions) in the real world so it would be ‘impractical’ to shun it.
genital: you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.
the highest percentile i got was at anal, on which, freud theorized as the stage of psychological development that has the main issue of self control:
an anally fixated person is either irrationally self controlled and servile to authority or has no self control and is compulsively defiant of authority.
sigmund freud thinks i’m an asshole.
sensory replays 