i asked a question to myself if i am contented with my life, truth is i am not. for everything is limited, it is like i’m moving inside a box. i don’t want to stay like this, i have to do something about it.
it has been two weeks since i left manila, usually i get terribly homesick for the first few days after i arrive here at work. missing my loved ones is the main reason of feeling that way, well i think everybody here feels the same way as i am.
oftentimes i just try to hide and ignore it. i remind myself that if i do not have this job i am fucked. bigtime. i don’t want to end up asking financial support to my parents (again?!) at this stage of my life. that will degrade me.
anyways, my life goes on here in the middle of nowhere.. tomorrow’s just another day.
i was about to go to the coffee shop outside the mall. the night before, i just attended a surprise birthday party of a friend that lasted till early morning. i thought of having breakfast, for anyways, i was planning to wait for the mall to open. i needed to buy my mama a sans rival cake that i promised her. as i was near the shop i heard people singing, it was echoing from a church nearby.
it is the same church where i was christened, i have forgotten the last time i went to mass, probably a year or so. i still consider myself as a catholic, an inactive one, for reasons that i do not need anyone to tell me what to believe and not to believe.
i believe in God, he is my Lord. i pray to him before i sleep for him to watch over my family, i thank him for the everyday blessings he offers me, for every sunrise i see, for every moment of being happy.
i went inside the church, the priest has started his homily, which was in english. as we were asked to stand up for the lord’s prayer i remembered the days when i was an altar boy at age 10, it was then that i thought that priesthood will be my vocation, i sort of have a “calling”..
i was totally wrong.
by fate, it was not to be. my mama told me that it was not what was planned for me, and i did accepted that but there were times then that i did not clearly understood what was for me..
now, i have known the reasons behind everything.